THE HAPPINESS PROJECT:

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The biggest question of the decade; Are you happy?

While growing up, its a common thing through households, neighbourhoods, culture- ‘I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY’, and there begins our journey to finding this emotion, that puts us through all rides to find it.

I sometimes wonder, why there’s dis-ease and there is a constant need to feel a certain way. I have a big aversion to feeling uneasy, like most people. As a little child, you are told to be happy, but no one breaks this down for you, that to be happy its important you accept, acknowledge and embrace all your other emotions as well.  There seems to be a continuous search for this one emotion , not knowing how to get there. You cry, so that you could laugh, you hate so that you could love, you breathe , so that you could live.

I wish these narratives in our households change, I wish the narratives in our circles are about acceptance, about sitting, about breathing, about loving and not about only searching for happiness.

Since I have begun, in the longest time to find my happiness project, I’ve realised that happiness is not about happiness at all. It is about liberating yourself, of the shackles you tied yourself up with, the self doubts, the uncertainty, the expectations, the- I want to belong to the tribe narratives. It took me 25 years to realise that I had a right to be angry, to emote hate and to not feel ok. The people pleaser in me worked very very hard to over give, over express and to be over ambitious (not for me, but for the world to approve of me). In my world, all of this made me happy or rather was suppose to. Did it all the way it was meant to, still I dint seem to be happy.

With a lot of UNLEARNING, I’ve come to realise that, happiness for me is accepting the various versions of me, both good bad and even the ugliest versions of me. It is about showing up and LIVING, living not for others but for me. To be able to experience little things. I wonder how these little things are called little; like the rainfall, a hot cup of coffee, the wind, the sun, the stars, to love, to express, to emote. While, in the large scheme of these things, this is truly happiness! No job, no promotion, no accolade fills my heart like these little things, which are a lot more profound then I can imagine.

Maybe there is really no happiness project, maybe happiness is just a temporary project, like most other projects. Maybe happiness can never be a constant, and maybe accepting that, is the happiness we all are finding.

I wish these narratives in our households change, I wish the narratives in our circles are about acceptance, about sitting, about breathing, about loving and not about only searching for happiness.

A little girl sobbed through serendipity, not knowing what she should feel.
A voice of pain, or a voice of unknowingness.
Breaking through the charades of everyday narratives, a little voice spoke up.
Don’t expect what you should feel; just feel.
Just breathe, just forgive and just let go.
Happiness is within you, your looking in all the wrong places, happiness is within you.
Sneaking and peeking through unknowingness you search, feeling empty, growing morose, hard from within.
Don’t be strong, be fragile because all you need is love.
A little girl sobbed through serendipity, not knowing what she should feel.

May you embrace the dis-ease, the discomfort, the heaviness and the stories of the past that scare you. The little things will heal you, will lead you to acceptance, will make you fall in love, you deserve all the happiness, if your project is about reminding yourself that the happiness your looking for is within. So look deeper, feel deeper and live deeper!

Maybe there is really no happiness project, maybe happiness is just a temporary project, like most other projects. Maybe happiness can never be a constant, and maybe accepting that, is the happiness we all are finding.

I hope you find your little thing, your happiness project!